Sometimes I just wish I lived in a world where I could walk to class, bump into a boy on accident and knock the papers out of his hands and help him gather them. After apologizing profusely I would notice he’s going to the same class as me and we’d walk together and wind up sitting together.
We’d whisper jokes about the teacher’s hair, write comments to one another, and laugh a lot. I’d give him my phone number as we parted after class, and once he was out of sight I’d let my knees wobble a little at how perfect he is and how lucky I am.
Later that night I’d stalk him on Facebook, send him a ‘hello' text with a joke made earlier in class, and lay in bed thinking about him. When the phone would vibrate I'd jump and fumble to see his response, and it'd be a simple joke back with a small message at the end, 'I’m glad you texted, it sucked you weren’t in my other classes.’
I’d smile, ‘I think you’d get bored of me real quick.’
'How can I get bored with you? I've been thinking about you all day.'
I’d blush and stare at the text for too long just as another came afterwards, ’I’m sorry, that was weird, forget I said it.’
I’d just smile and respond with, ‘I’ve been thinking about you too.’
And that’s all it would take. Quiet dates with awkward touches and soft smiles followed by a simple but tender kiss that spoke volumes. I don’t know what to do, but I want to do it with you. Please don’t hurt me.
He’d hold my hand around his friends, I’d show him how to play Magic and he’d be oddly amused but still call me a dork. We’d watch movies at his apartment and fall asleep on the couch every time. He’d get upset that my stuff was always cluttering up his space and I’d tell him if it were easier for him I could just take all my stuff back to my place, but he’d groan and say it would be simpler just to move what little I had left into his apartment.
We’d kiss and cuddle in our bed, delicate touches and warm breaths as we fell asleep.
Years down the line he’d see me looking at a stroller with longing and feel sad he couldn’t give me my greatest dream. He’d know, though, that he’d try his hardest to get as close as possible.
He’d propose as cheesily as he could possibly make it and I’d cry like some girl and say yes. We’d get hitched somewhere small, just our close friends and families. My Dad would be so proud of me, and my mom would cry that her little boy was growing up. Even my sister would smile and joke about whether or not he had a cute brother or cousin.
We’d dance together, eyes on us but never noticing as I just feel his body pressed to mine, his heart beating against my suit a mile a minute. Beating for me.
Looking through the window at the tiny little boy in the nursery basket would break me. Seeing his little fists clench and unclench as he wailed for food would make my heart just burst, and when his big blue eyes would look into mine as I held him I’d feel my heart piecing itself back together big enough to fit him in too.
We’d have that talk about who got to be Dad and who got to be Pop, archaic and cliche as it may have been it was the best we had. He’d just smile, the little boy cooing in his arms as he made his case why he should be Dad and I’d just smile and tell him he was crazy.
Letting him go to his first day of school would break me. Seeing that mess of blonde hair dashing out of the house and to the bus stop would make my heart just burst. I’d chase after him, grabbing his power ranger lunch box I picked out for him as I followed out the door. He’d be so eager to meet the other kids, smiling like a big goof and shifting his weight back and forth as though he was going to take off. And when his little face would pop up in the window, second from last, and smile at me it’d be all I could do to keep myself from crying. I’d feel a strong hand on my shoulder and turn to see him standing next to me, smiling at our little boy. When he’d turn to look at me I’d see the tears in his eyes too, and we’d wave as the bus pulled away and out of sight.
We’d go through it all, the first fight in school, the first F on a test, having to give him the talk, and even explaining why he didn’t have a mom. He’d find some girl he really liked and he’d get his little heart broken, but we knew it’d get better down the line.
Putting his suitcase into his car would break me. Seeing him all excited to go to college would make my heart just burst. I’d try my best to keep it together, not wanting to make him feel guilty for leaving his father and I behind without him. I’d feel that part of my heart he had put in me ache as he pulled out of the drive way and when he waved to us we’d just wave back. Once he was gone from sight I’d just fall to my knees and cry.
He’d find a girl, come home and show her off to us and we’d get to embarrass him with stories of when he was a little blonde hooligan. She’d love them and we’d love her, especially when she said yes to his proposal.
He and I would be grandpas in a few years time, seeing spitting images of the little boy who melded our hearts together run around the yard as we sit like the old men we were on the porch. I’d look to him and sigh, asking him when he got so old. He’d smile and tell me that he got old in my arms.
Holding his hand for the last time would destroy me. Watching his eyes close slowly would make my heart just shatter. I’d scream at him to hold on, to not leave me here like this. He’d just smile softly and tell me, “I guess I never got bored of you.”
I’d visit him everyday, spending more time in that plot than at our old, empty house. It would be too painful, seeing the pictures and memories of him. Of us.
One day my little boy would hold my hand and tell me I had to keep holding on. He’d cry and squeeze my wrinkled hand telling me that he’d miss me. That I can’t go. I’d just smile and tell him I loved him with all my heart, and that I loved him for a long time before I even knew him. Just like I loved his daddy.
I’d close my eyes and tell him, “I’ve been thinking about him all my life.”
And as my life began to end, I’d hear the voice of the man I loved.
"I’ve been thinking about you too."
On March 12th, I reached 10,000 followers but was unable to make a proper thank you post until now. I honestly cannot believe 10k of you lovely folks follow me. When I first started out on Tumblr, I never imagined that this would be a reality. It’s a little overwhelming and incredibly humbling as well. Without you, I never would have done and accomplished so many things in this fandom. Thank you (times a million)!
I’ve been racking my brain for what I can do for my followers and the closest I could come up with is giving away a resource of mine. So I am giving away Photoshop cutouts that I’ve been making and saving since the hiatus between Season 2 and Season 3 of Teen Wolf. I don’t have that much for Season 1 & 2 unfortunately, but I do have quite a bit for 3A. You don’t have to credit me if you use them! These are created through CS5, but they should be compatible with other versions of PS.
To download Photoshop cutouts, click here.
How to use:
- Open up in Photoshop
- Select All (⌘A on Mac or Ctrl+A on PC)
- Copy Merged (⇧⌘C on Mac or Shift+Ctrl+C on PC). Important: These cutouts are layer masked, so if you don’t use Copy Merged, the background will still be there if you paste into a document.
- Paste in new document
[[For those of you who don’t use Photoshop, keep a lookout because I will also be giving away a copy of Nice Day for Derek!]]
For those of you who still remember who I am, here’s a quick update about my life that might bring some clarity;
1. Alex and I are officially domestic. We’ve been living together for about two months now and everything is going great.
2. Our new apartment has the SHITTIEST wifi known to man. Like, it’s barely .24 mbps. It’s insane. We’re looking into getting our own wifi soon and once we do I promise both of us will be online a lot more often.
3. CONGRATULATIONS TO PIXIE I can’t believe you were Alpha of the week I’m so proud of you girl go get em.
4. I haven’t touched photoshop in months but I’m more than likely going to start back up now that I have a few weeks between classes. Maybe I’ll finish those phone cases for my society6 maybe I’ll start something new, who knows.
5. I still love you guys. I miss being here on tumblr so much that I’m trying my best to be here again even though my evil wifi doesnt want me to be. I hope I can talk to you all again soon and maybe we can all do another night of CAH sometime soon.
THE BIG HOMO
If anyone would like so see one or more of my graphics turned into products for them just shoot me an ask and I’ll see about putting them up! Thanks, again, to whoever asked for this to be put up, it was a great idea!
So far I’ve gotten a variety of products with Scott and Stiles in Pokemon form, and hopefully by tonight I’ll have the rest of my Pokemon Trainers (Gym Leaders Included) as products as well.
UPDATE: I have included Lydia and Allison. Isaac, Jackson, and Kira are up next and then I’m on to the Gym Leaders!